Mine is a Cautionary Tale

Mine is a cautionary tale

If you beg for your burdens to be taken away...

I understand.

Your burdens are great; too much for anyone to bear.

but you have

and you keep doing it

every single day.

If you beg for those burdens to be taken from you.

they may very well be taken.

and you will have no recourse.

the universe doesn't offer an explanatory period.

They may be taken

but not in the way

that you wish or expect.

So, if you come to me with those complaints

be not surprised when I turn my ear away

not because I do not care,

but because I do.

Because the universe can hear through me

and I do not want what has happened to me

to happen to anyone ever again

and if you beg for reprieve

you may just be lucky enough to receive it.

I live now

this silent life

in a house that used to be filled with the laughter of children

all because

I wanted a way to have more time to be me

a selfish desire

in a sea of survival.

I mourn for my family

who did not ask for this

I mourn for my daughter

who could not be seen off by

any of her siblings, rather step, half or otherwise

and I mourn for my sister, who sees us every 5 years

and her tearful requests that land on deaf ears

and I mourn for the step-father

who may never know his step-sons

and for the children I am charge of

never knowing each other.

And that

THAT is the greatest burden I bear

The one of those who will never know

the weight of my decisions

or why I stay distant

and you say

"but they keep on fighting themselves, or me, or whomever"

"they keep crying"

"they won't do as they are told"

and I will say

ahh yes, i understand.

for my children kept fighting amongst themselves

and they kept crying

and they seldom, if ever did what they were told.

how I wish now, that I could argue with them once again.

When you speak to me, speak softly

do not tell me your burdens are insurmountable

Do not complain of your happy burdens

for you have them still

and my hands are empty

and where you see challenge

and misery

i see hope, and promise, and all the chances

that I will never have again.

so, when they fight, tell them to keep fighting until they work the problems out themselves. Let them find answers. You won't always be there.

When they are crying, find out why, because it won't be what you expect, and telling you will make them more emotionally aware

and when they will not do as they are told, find out why. Blind obedience will not serve them in later life,

their answers will be wise, and will surprise you

it bothers me when people turn their backs

and betrayal is a hot knife

But it bothers me most of all

to see someone

betray themselves.